That Broken Piece: more on depression

I wanted to say
that usually something triggers depression.
Mine, I thought, was being old and single.

It wasn't.

The trigger,
was not belonging.
That life wasn't what I wanted it to be,
or had expected.
And so maybe I wasn't who I'd thought I was.

And the woman that emerged in that time,
I didn't know her or recognize her.
She did things, thought things, became things
I wouldn't have believed.

Because I believed a lie,
that left me hollow
and hating my life.

I also fell into this pattern
of needing to be something more,
something else
other than who I was. Who I am.

And these lies,
these triggers,
I still feel them.
I fall and fall and am swept away.

And so,
this is what I mean
when I say,
that this broken piece,
keeps me laid low
before Love.
So I can listen to it
whisper it's sweet song of belonging and truth.

Our brokenness is a mercy.
Our brokenness can speak truth.