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Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Once Upon a Time: When our family moved

Once upon a time
our family moved.
Again.
And Again.

Not really the stuff of fairy tales.

And the castle we bought,
is going on the market.
Our hearts are heavy with this loss.

And the princes and princesses that live just around the corner at Auntie's house,
will live in a different land,
that my own prince and princess will not understand
cannot be reached in a short car ride.
Our hearts are heavy with this loss.

I wonder if I am only sleeping,
and the kiss of my true love will wake me,
and all of this will be someone else's story.
It feels that unreal that we are moving.
Again.

Returning to Southern California,
a place we love,
to people we love.
We are grateful we have it and them to return to.
A home.

But our hearts are heavy with the loss of Portland.
Of what we hoped to find and be and do.

I'm sure if you are reading this,
you have more questions than answers.

Welcome to the club.

Here's what we know:

We will continue to serve with WMF,
albeit remotely.
And we will try to walk through what this year has been,
and grieve.
And learn.
And dream again.

Here's something else I know:

I used to think I had to live a big life.
Change the world.
Dream big dreams.
Chase those big dreams.
And if I didn't,
I failed God and His Kingdom.

Maybe it's because I've lost the idealism of my youth,
but what I believe is living a big life now,
is the one spent
loving my husband,
serving my family,
helping my neighbor,
feeding they guy holding a sign on the corner,
listening to a friend,
hugging my boy,
and tickling my girl's back.
It's just doing what is in front of me today.
It's being present.
In a world where busy is the norm
and people have more money than time.
Offering a still place to be and grow and dig deep
is living a big life.

It's about offering space,
to plant a tree.











8 comments:

  1. April- thank you for sharing so well in this! It gave me just a glimpse into the depth of your heart, and I felt thankful for even getting to spend this short amount of time with you. You are loved.

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    1. Thank you...what a great woman you are.

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  2. I can relate with the big dreams part, I used to think I would travel the world, be a missionary in Africa and things changed, I have a different missions now. It is good, God is good! God bless you and your family trough this transition and to Him be the glory in whatever you do! Xx

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  3. April, somehow I didn't get your full post when I read your FB status. And now two responses show you how I deal with life -- my first "how is this possible?" reaction, and now my "I'm right there with you" response. John and I are in the middle of BIG decisions too, not even a year after we moved, and looking back at three moves in two years. I feel like I've been blasted in a sand storm and dreams seem far, far away. Yet the one thing I am fighting for is slowing down the pace of life. Being present. After Rwanda and so many other "change the world" moments, God is now molding my heart through the little things that I'm discovering are so, so big. Peace be with you right now, and I will be praying for you as we Roots also work on creating a place where we can be firmly planted in Him.

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    1. Carrie, I'm so sorry to be late in seeing this comment! Thank you...and grateful to not be alone on the journey.

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  4. Aw, I didn't know you were moving! I'm so sorry to hear that -- and that you won't be there to see when we visit in Sept. I feel your sadness and disappointment, and though I don't know the details, I'm sending love and light and hopes for a good, safe place to land.

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    1. Just saw this comment, Daphne. Thank you...

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