And now, he's one

Today our baby turns one.

That year,
it went too quickly.

My bodyguard,
he went with me to work
and all through the high desert of SoCal
for six months.
He'd sit with me while I did paperwork,
nurse in the car,
and sleep while we drove.

At six months he weighed too little,
and so the push for solid foods began.
Today he eats more than his big sister.
Still, he feels so little in my arms.

He crawls so fast,
and stands even faster.
Like a lemur.

He toddles out a few steps
and I know in the next month he will be walking.
All on his own.
Without our help.

Enormous brown eyes
and long lashes.
Wherever I take him
women almost always say:
oh, he's handsome.
Just like his daddy, I reply.

Uh-oh, he likes to say,
and click his tongue.
He screams for what he wants,
and grins a picket fence smile.

He likes to read books
and play with his big sister,
who still calls him baby,
like we all do.
Is that a baby, mommy? she asks,
and points at him.
Yes, it is.

And always,
as I try not to cry too hard at his growing up,
his walking
his weaning.
Always.
My baby.

I've said that Sophie-girl
seemed to spring out of my prayers of desperation.
Desperate for a baby.
I was 37.
Maybe I would never conceive.

I did.
And was so thankful.

A year and a half later,
I conceived again.
And so I say that this baby boy,
Mason,
Sprang out of our gratefulness.

With humbled grateful hearts,
we celebrate Mason,
who we named with prayers that
he would build what God plans,
for a Kingdom whose foundation are forever.

With gratefulness we see his life as bountiful,
overflowing with blessing
for us and for others.
And while we know not what that will look like,
it is with anticipation that we look to the future
at what God will do.

Right here
Right now,
though,
is my baby boy.
I fold him into my arms,
his face in my neck...
not caring what he will build,
only that I have him.
And my heart crumbles
with so much love.