Monday, July 29, 2013

I love you and love you and love you and love you

at night,
when I'm putting my kids to bed,
I lay Sophie-girl down first,
and then baby boy.

Tonight, though,
baby boy wanted to be held...
not put on the ground so I could
gather his sister and put her in bed.

So I said: Sophie-girl, I'm going to go nurse your brother and put him to sleep.
You sit here and read.
Okay, mommy: she said.

I went to his room, turned off the light and cracked the door.
And as I began to feed him,
I heard her little voice in the other room,

In the hall closet mirror,
I could see her little bare foot,
through the cracked door.

When I laid him down and closed the door,
I walked into a full blown bed-time story-time.
She was reading our favorite: Night Night, Little Pookie.
And I'd hear words I knew,
and could see she knew the plot as she looked at the pictures,
and her voice inflected with the twists.

And at the end,
When the book says: good night Pookie ears (kiss), good night Pookie nose (kiss), good night Pookie eyes that are ready to close (kiss),
she'd lean to her blankie, and kiss it...
the way she leans towards me at that part of the book,
and I kiss her.

And then,
the book says:
There are gentle winds blowing
and stars all above you,
night night little Pookie,
I love you and love you.
And love you and love you.
And love you and love you.

She can't say all those words,
but I heard her say:
love you, love you, love you, love you.

I'm told Sophie-girl will probably be a good reader.
Tonight I knew in the deepest ripped bare part of my soul,
that she is already a good reader.
And this brought me to tears,
as it brings me to my knees,
that what she reads in me, in us,
would be love,
kind and strong and faithful.

I know my girl won't always lean in for me to kiss her Pookie nose,
but I hope that she will remember,
especially when she really really needs to remember,
because I know she will need to,
that once she read a love
so kind and strong and faithful
in her mama and her dada,
that it kissed her Pookie eyes to sleep,
and urged the gentle winds of the Spirit to stir over her soul,
whispering: I love you and love you and love you and love.