I've known Amy most my life...the kind of person you don't remember not knowing. I welcome her words and perspective here today.
When you know there is a storm coming, you prepare. If
cartoons have taught us nothing else, it’s that we should be more like dutiful
ants than procrastinating grasshoppers. As Christ Followers, we are told that
in this life, we will face trails. There is no “might” thrown in to that verse
to give us any false hope of smooth sailing. So why then do we not keep
vigilant and prepare always? Maybe you do, and that’s great. But I tend to be
more of the last minute looter – raiding the shelves of the Walmart while the
wind throws cows across the parking lot.
My recent storm had lots of precursory warnings. The Spirit
sent me alerts and flags at many different stages leading up to it. I would
hear bits of a message on the radio and think, “Yikes – was that meant for me?”
Our pastor even shared a sermon that spoke directly to my situation. It was
about how God loves us too much not to expose our sin. My response was to ask
God to tell my husband about it. Basically, I used his Spiritual Leadership of
our family as a way to avoid personal responsibility for any comfortable habits
that I wanted to keep.
The final move by the Spirit to bolster me for the coming
waves was a billboard we encountered while on vacation 470 miles away from
home. Small waves had already begun to land on my beaches by the time I raised
my eyes to the two story tall Jesus beckoning me to trust Him.
I thought it odd that there was a billboard with a huge
picture of Jesus and the words, “I trust in You”. I nodded and thought to
myself, “I do.” But just hours later when the biggest waves pounded my shores,
I realized how conditional my trust of Jesus truly had been. I trusted Him with
my salvation. Jesus, you’ve got me on
that final check-in day right? And Jesus, I’m counting on you for those things
unseen; the spiritual Superbowls ahead. But Jesus, I’ve got this day to day
part ok. I spoke to God daily; often multiple times throughout the day. I
praised Him. I thanked Him. I beseeched Him. But I really trusted in me and my
ability to process daily life. I had been through 20 years as an adult and I
see now that I had made security my god. I had turned blessings into idols, and
contentment into a religion. God had been preparing me for a cleaning that I
did not want. Instability was my enemy and I had done all that I could to weed
it out of my life. Instability made me question my sanity – literally.
I had been through many storms, and I had called out to God
and been rescued. He grew me through those trials and I trusted Him to carry me
through them. Yet, I realized that it was the everyday that needed an overhaul.
I was deep in another storm, and Jesus was my anchor once again. But this time,
the Spirit was begging with me to keep hold of that anchor after the waves died
down and the clouds broke apart.
1 Peter 1:17 (The Message) You call out to God for help and
he helps – he is a good Father that way. But don’t forget, he’s also a
responsible Father, and won’t let you get by with sloppy living.
I was definitely living sloppy, spiritually speaking. And my
loving Father was not pleased. My gratitude was dead and my praise was tired. He
had gently asked me to clean up my act for months. But I had used Grace as a
giant rug to sweep everything under. When confronted, I mourned my ignorance
and my eyes were opened. I was ashamed, afraid, and humbled, which is the
beginning of wisdom.
Peter goes on in verse 18 to warn us that, “Your life is a
journey you must travel with a deep consciousness of God.” I love that! It
doesn’t say that God is to be regarded as a handrail that we grab on to when we
stumble. He’s not an 800 number we call when times get tough. He’s not a cash
advance store where we can get an advance on our own strength. He is my
strength! He is my plan. He is my Captain. “I say to God, ‘Be my Lord!’ Without
You, nothing makes sense.” Psalm 16:2 (The Message)
As I emerge from this storm into clearer skies, I will keep
hold of God’s hand which has supported me so fully through this time. I want to
continue to walk hand in hand so that I’m not just grasping for it in
desperation as I’m sinking. Because there will be a next time, and a next time
after that. But I know my anchor holds. Yes Jesus, I trust in You!
Amy Koller - Jesus, Family, and whatever other adventures
come my way
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